Pale Pink Pedal Pushers

                    

  

This week, I wore my precious pale pink pedal pushers for the first time. Big deal, right? Well, it kinda was...
   I fell in love with them on a pre- birthday shopping trip with my mom two years ago. I hate shopping, and rarely find things I like, so to love these pants was a big deal. But alas, they were out of my size. Go figure.
   They said that they could have the right size shipped from another store, so that's what we did! Yay! And then my pants got delayed. Somehow, they weren't going to make it until summer was over.
   The disappointment was completely overshadowed when I found out that I was pregnant! I wouldn't need fit into the pants anyway! Unfortunately, our first sweet baby went to meet Jesus before ever meeting us. It was devastating. Not long after, I got a phone call letting me know that the pale pink pedal pushers were no longer available, and I'd be getting a refund.
   Y'all, it was just a pair of pants. I could probably make them if I really wanted to. But it felt like they represented the story of my journey.
    One day in early fall, a package arrived. It was the pale pink pedal pushers! By this time, I was pregnant with Taters, and they were out of season, so I tucked them away in my closet. The following summer, my sweet girl was born and my body wasn't quite ready for the flat-fronted goodness of my pants. So July 3, 2014, I wore them for the first time... Exactly two years after our sweet baby passed on to heaven.
   Through the journey, these pink linen pants have cone to represent hope even when the reports are against you. They will always remind me of the sweet baby I will one day hold, and of the blessing it is to hold the one I have.

It's Just Child's Play.... right?

I hear the moms say, "My 6 year old (or 3, or 7, or 10...) year old has a girlfriend! Isn't that cute?"

The 5 year old says, "Johnny is my boyfriend!"

I'm going to be honest. I don't find it cute. It actually scares me.

Let's break this down. Kids don't inherently know about boyfriends and girlfriends. They may hear the word as they get older, but as a parent, it is your job to define these terms. If you define boyfriend as someone to play with for a few weeks and then forget about, that becomes a part of your child.

I'm going to back up for a second to clarify. Playing house is great. Children are able to mimic the healthy relationships that they see portrayed, and they explore the roles of Mommy and Daddy, parent and child, etc. This is such an important part of a child's development!

But if we aren't intentional about how we present marriage and dating to our kids, or we don't realize the impact of our language,  they will learn things we never intended.

A friend who used to serve in kids' ministry with us did this the right way. Her boys were 5 and 7, and they understood, at their level, how it worked in God's plan. They would openly offer their knowledge. "Kisses are only for Mommies and my future wife." "I can't hold your hand because I don't want to marry you."

Here's the underlying truth that they understood: romance is not there for fun. It serves a purpose that only comes about after you have decided you could marry a person.

Could you imagine if all of our kids had a foundation that started this way? They would only consider holding hands or kissing if they were interested in marrying the person? Not to see IF they would be interested in marriage, but WHEN they were ready.

Let's help our kids set the stage for intentional romantic relationships and a healthy marriage. Take the teachable moments and help them to define the world in God's terms. I pray that our kids are able to be the amazing men and women God wants for their spouses!

Thinking about sending out Christmas cards? Read this first!

     We love receiving Christmas cards! In fact, we love them so much that we literally leave them up all year, and replace them the following year when we get an updated picture. There is, however, one thing that I hate: terrible grammar, punctuation, and usage. Here are a few tips for your cards:

1. Please capitalize your last name. 
 I know that stylistically it can be fun to change up the look, but it's just incorrect. Unless you are trying to make a significant statement (i.e. poet bell hooks), please use correct capitalization.

2. Use a comma after a greeting or closing! "Warmest wishes," "Wishing you a merry Christmas," and "Sent with love" are all phrases (not complete sentences) and therefore require that they are followed by a comma and then your signature. If you do use a complete sentence, then you may substitute a period or exclamation point, but let's be honest, no one writes, "We hope that you have a merry Christmas!" as a closing. 

3. For the love of all that is good, learn when to use an apostrophe (comma to the top).
An apostrophe signifies ownership. This is Bob's dog. Adding the letter s or es signifies more than one. There are three Bobs in the room. Let's apply this to our cards:

Correct:                         Correct:                         Correct:                     

With love,                      With love,                      With love,

The Smiths                    The Smith family            John Smith's Family 

Incorrect:                      Incorrect:                       Incorrect: 

With love,                      With love,                      With love,

The Smith's                   The Smith's family          The Smiths'

Sincerely, 

The English teacher in me

Why our kids will never believe in Santa

    I'm guessing you're already judging me. Hear me out. The reason probably isn't what you think it is. Yes, I do want Jesus to be at the center of our Christmas. Yes, I want to eliminate the focus on consumption and stuff. These are important to me, but even more important is making sure that my kids feel loved. ALL of my kids. Including those who come from other homes.
    You see, the plan is that Potato will be our only bio baby. God willing, the rest will be fostered/adopted through the state foster care system. We cannot WAIT to bring these littles into our home, but the likelihood of the rest of our children coming to us as infants is slim. And if we get a phone call one November to foster a sweet little 5 year old, how in the world do you think I would explain Santa? I can just hear the conversation now...
Potato: Santa comes every year and brings me lots of toys because I'm good!
Kiddo: I was always good. Why didn't Santa come and bring me any toys? I guess I should have done better....
     Yeah, that won't work. I don't want to lie to my kids, I want to empower them. I want them to know that Jesus' birth is a celebration. I want them to know that HE is the gift, and that His gift is there for them all the time- even if they spill their milk sometimes, or they made their sibling cry that one time (or two or three :). I can not imagine breaking a child's heart with the knowledge that this mythical being passed him/her by, even when the child did everything he/she could to be great. It breaks my heart to think of children living in abuse this Christmas. Can you imagine? Someone is beating them, telling them it's their fault, they shouldn't have done x or said y. Then, Santa doesn't come, and just reinforces the whole message. It honestly makes me sick to my stomach.
     So no, I don't hate Santa. And I definitely won't judge you if your kids believe. I grew up believing, and except for the few weeks after I found out he wasn't real, I wasn't any worse for the wear. But the families that I work with often don't have the means to celebrate Christmas in the consumer-driven, over-the-top manner that modern America does. I never want to play a part in perpetuating feelings of inadequacy in their little hearts. Potato and all of the future littles that will walk through these decked halls will know that the real gift of Christmas is always available to them, and that no matter how "good" they are, they will never be whole without Christ in their hearts.

I Hope She Looks Like Your Mother-in-law: The Picture of Adoption

"I really hope the baby looks like your mother-in-law." My mom looked very concerned. I felt very confused.
     What, Mom? You don't want my baby girl to look like me? She continued, "I just hate my nose. And I've been really worried that the baby will have my nose, and your MIL has such a pretty face."
     I almost died, I was laughing so hard. Yes, laughing. Uncontrollably. It wasn't my mother's vanity that cracked me up (although it was quite laughable!). You see, I was adopted as an infant. What my mom was forgetting was that Potato wouldn't look like her, whether she wanted her to or not!
     Until recently, I didn't realize just how perfect my adoption story is. It is truly a picture of what adoption should look like. My mom (not my second mom, my adoptive mom, or any other title...she raised me, she's my mom) has loved me so much for so long that she completely forgot that I was related by love, not by blood.
     I have always known that I was adopted, and I believe with all of my heart and mind that this is the route any adoptive family should go. Before I was able to understand, my parents read Why Was I Adopted to me. It breaks down adoption to show children the love that covers them by so many. Get it. Read it to your kids (bio or not!). Help them understand.
     My siblings are both biological to my parents. I'm the oldest, and if you are around adoptive families enough, you can probably guess what happened next... My mom found out that she was pregnant a few months after they picked me up from the adoption agency, as happens so often, and again a few years later. But matching DNA (or lack thereof) never mattered. We were all treated with the same love, support, and adoration that a parent shows his/her child. Although I don't look like my family- or any of the WHITE people we grew up around- it didn't matter (I look mixed, if you don't know me!). Everyone knew. No one cared.
     After hearing about my mom's comment, my sister laughed, then looked pensive. "While I was driving the other day, I got excited for you. This will be the first time you will know someone who looks like you." She got it. And was excited. When I'm this wrapped in love, who cares about blood?