Thinking about sending out Christmas cards? Read this first!

     We love receiving Christmas cards! In fact, we love them so much that we literally leave them up all year, and replace them the following year when we get an updated picture. There is, however, one thing that I hate: terrible grammar, punctuation, and usage. Here are a few tips for your cards:

1. Please capitalize your last name. 
 I know that stylistically it can be fun to change up the look, but it's just incorrect. Unless you are trying to make a significant statement (i.e. poet bell hooks), please use correct capitalization.

2. Use a comma after a greeting or closing! "Warmest wishes," "Wishing you a merry Christmas," and "Sent with love" are all phrases (not complete sentences) and therefore require that they are followed by a comma and then your signature. If you do use a complete sentence, then you may substitute a period or exclamation point, but let's be honest, no one writes, "We hope that you have a merry Christmas!" as a closing. 

3. For the love of all that is good, learn when to use an apostrophe (comma to the top).
An apostrophe signifies ownership. This is Bob's dog. Adding the letter s or es signifies more than one. There are three Bobs in the room. Let's apply this to our cards:

Correct:                         Correct:                         Correct:                     

With love,                      With love,                      With love,

The Smiths                    The Smith family            John Smith's Family 

Incorrect:                      Incorrect:                       Incorrect: 

With love,                      With love,                      With love,

The Smith's                   The Smith's family          The Smiths'

Sincerely, 

The English teacher in me

Why our kids will never believe in Santa

    I'm guessing you're already judging me. Hear me out. The reason probably isn't what you think it is. Yes, I do want Jesus to be at the center of our Christmas. Yes, I want to eliminate the focus on consumption and stuff. These are important to me, but even more important is making sure that my kids feel loved. ALL of my kids. Including those who come from other homes.
    You see, the plan is that Potato will be our only bio baby. God willing, the rest will be fostered/adopted through the state foster care system. We cannot WAIT to bring these littles into our home, but the likelihood of the rest of our children coming to us as infants is slim. And if we get a phone call one November to foster a sweet little 5 year old, how in the world do you think I would explain Santa? I can just hear the conversation now...
Potato: Santa comes every year and brings me lots of toys because I'm good!
Kiddo: I was always good. Why didn't Santa come and bring me any toys? I guess I should have done better....
     Yeah, that won't work. I don't want to lie to my kids, I want to empower them. I want them to know that Jesus' birth is a celebration. I want them to know that HE is the gift, and that His gift is there for them all the time- even if they spill their milk sometimes, or they made their sibling cry that one time (or two or three :). I can not imagine breaking a child's heart with the knowledge that this mythical being passed him/her by, even when the child did everything he/she could to be great. It breaks my heart to think of children living in abuse this Christmas. Can you imagine? Someone is beating them, telling them it's their fault, they shouldn't have done x or said y. Then, Santa doesn't come, and just reinforces the whole message. It honestly makes me sick to my stomach.
     So no, I don't hate Santa. And I definitely won't judge you if your kids believe. I grew up believing, and except for the few weeks after I found out he wasn't real, I wasn't any worse for the wear. But the families that I work with often don't have the means to celebrate Christmas in the consumer-driven, over-the-top manner that modern America does. I never want to play a part in perpetuating feelings of inadequacy in their little hearts. Potato and all of the future littles that will walk through these decked halls will know that the real gift of Christmas is always available to them, and that no matter how "good" they are, they will never be whole without Christ in their hearts.

I Hope She Looks Like Your Mother-in-law: The Picture of Adoption

"I really hope the baby looks like your mother-in-law." My mom looked very concerned. I felt very confused.
     What, Mom? You don't want my baby girl to look like me? She continued, "I just hate my nose. And I've been really worried that the baby will have my nose, and your MIL has such a pretty face."
     I almost died, I was laughing so hard. Yes, laughing. Uncontrollably. It wasn't my mother's vanity that cracked me up (although it was quite laughable!). You see, I was adopted as an infant. What my mom was forgetting was that Potato wouldn't look like her, whether she wanted her to or not!
     Until recently, I didn't realize just how perfect my adoption story is. It is truly a picture of what adoption should look like. My mom (not my second mom, my adoptive mom, or any other title...she raised me, she's my mom) has loved me so much for so long that she completely forgot that I was related by love, not by blood.
     I have always known that I was adopted, and I believe with all of my heart and mind that this is the route any adoptive family should go. Before I was able to understand, my parents read Why Was I Adopted to me. It breaks down adoption to show children the love that covers them by so many. Get it. Read it to your kids (bio or not!). Help them understand.
     My siblings are both biological to my parents. I'm the oldest, and if you are around adoptive families enough, you can probably guess what happened next... My mom found out that she was pregnant a few months after they picked me up from the adoption agency, as happens so often, and again a few years later. But matching DNA (or lack thereof) never mattered. We were all treated with the same love, support, and adoration that a parent shows his/her child. Although I don't look like my family- or any of the WHITE people we grew up around- it didn't matter (I look mixed, if you don't know me!). Everyone knew. No one cared.
     After hearing about my mom's comment, my sister laughed, then looked pensive. "While I was driving the other day, I got excited for you. This will be the first time you will know someone who looks like you." She got it. And was excited. When I'm this wrapped in love, who cares about blood?

Tempered Generosity

     Being generous is wonderful. It always leaves everyone with a warm fuzzy feeling... right?

     Have you ever been on the receiving end of a well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) gift, only to feel slighted? For example, you receive an elaborate gift from someone, but feel it was only meant to impress others? Or maybe someone spends time discipling you, only to disappear without another word? While the person's intentions are appreciated, it almost feels as though the net result was a loss.

     I see this too often. From leaders who mean well, but overbook themselves... from volunteers who are pumped up, but lose interest after the glitter fades... from people who want to give generously, but never get their hands dirty.

     As a church, we are absolutely called to be generous (Acts 20:35 It is more blessed to give than to receive). But we are also called to be devoted. Our generosity- whether with our time, our money, our belongings -should be intentional. It should bless others and put them ahead, but should not leave them feeling abandoned or alone. It should help to empower and encourage the recipient.

     The scene surrounding the giving should be non-existent. The right hand should not know what the left is doing. It is not an opportunity for a giver to receive accolades, nor for her to feel superior. A gift should be a blessing, an investment into another for His glory.

     I pray that when we give, love and humility take center stage, that we keep our hearts and intentions in check. After all, it is only by God's grace that we have the ability to give in the first place.

Other People's Children

     I am a teacher. I have always been a teacher. I love kids. I love helping them learn how to do things. I love shaping and molding their lives. I like to see their faces when they do what they thought they couldn't.

      I also take a weird sense of satisfaction in correcting people's children... at Walmart, the mechanic, the zoo. Weird, I know. But I know that when expectations are raised, kids rise up to meet them.

      So I became a foster parent. Makes sense, right? If you're 25 and single, it's the cool thing to do!

     If you don't know, at 25, I became a certified foster parent, and at 26, I had joint custody with the state of two teenage girls. One lived with me for 3 mos, the other for 15 mos. It had it's moments of pure crazy ( court dates and family visits are almost as bad as the day FOLLOWING court dates and family visits), but the little girl who was with me for 15 mos thrived.

     She made all A's and B's. She was polite and helpful and learned to love Jesus and people in a way she hadn't before. When she left, she fell off the proverbial wagon. She made some bad decisions and started bouncing from house to house. It broke my heart.

      The other little girl had bigger problems. She left us when she wasn't succeeding. She pushed people away and manipulated. Being in foster care fed her desire for attention and drama.

       For the last year, I had been unable to contact either girl. Case workers, therapists and placements had all changed. No one was willing to help connect the dots for me to touch base with them.

      But God moved.

      Some friends ran into the first girl (14 mos), and found out that she is in the process of being adopted by a family who had adopted several other teens from care. I know that with stability like that, she will succeed. Praise Jesus that she found a forever family.

       The other little girl was still a mystery. No one had seen or heard from her. Until yesterday. I turned a corner in a Walmart aisle and boom! ran almost smack into her! We hugged and caught up. I showed her pictures of my new baby, she told me about her life. She has been placed back at home with her mom, and has the longest stretch of healthy decisions (8 mos) that she's had in years. She made some bad decisions recently, but it seems as though she has the support to prevent the bad decisions from becoming habit again.

     Seeing and hearing about the girls reminded me what I love about foster care. Yes, it is crazy (family visits are almost as bad as the after effects of family visits), but is also an opportunity for hope and redemption. We will become certified again ( hubby for the first time) when our sweet little Potato turns 2. Instead of a single girl fostering teens, we will be a family of 3 welcoming itty bitties (no more than a year older than Potato).

     We can't wait to see what God has in store for us. For now, we rest in our peace until it is time for our crazy.

My biggest blessing

    I am a blessed woman. I have more than I need, and am so loved. But I really hit the jackpot when God gave gave my hubby to me.

    I am not always nice. In fact, I can be downright mean. And grumpy. And condescending. (I'm praying about it. Totally not the point of this blog post. :)

     My husband? The opposite. He is truly a servant. Through and through. He loves me through my crazy. He serves me breakfast in bed almost daily. He works his tail off so that I can stay home (mostly) and love on our baby girl. He lifts me up in every situation. He is the spiritual leader of our home.

    To top it all off, I can't imagine going through trials or transitions with anyone else. I truly believe that this one factor will be the game changer. In the periods of major upheaval, we lean on each other, we look to God, and we draw closer to Him as one.

      The list of his awesome qualities goes on and on. I honestly can't believe I got so lucky. I pray that he always knows just how much I love and appreciate him, even (make that especially!) when I'm mean. I would not trade him for anything in the world.

Redemption, Restoration, and... Judgement?!?

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,  Whom He has redeemed from the hand of the adversary. Psalms 107:2 NASB

     I don't know about you, but I am SO thankful for the grace of God. I try to live a life that pleases Him, but if you know me, (heck, even if you don't!) you know that I mess up. Sometimes I mess up big time. I make mistakes daily that affect others and have an effect on my walk. Thank you Jesus for your grace!

     I try not to air my mistakes. I don't call the news people, or publish my sins across Facebook. If I start down an unhealthy path, God has placed an amazing husband and wonderful, Godly friends in my life who keep me in check and help guide my life in a way that follows Him. I praise Jesus that forgiveness and grace exist, and that most of the matters I deal with are done in the privacy of my relationship with God and those He placed in my life.

     Could you imagine life if God held a grudge? If we weren't able to grow from our mistakes, and the people who now guide us would instead abandon us?

Or if the whole world saw our every sin.

     Redemption is personal. It is something that not everyone sees. An acquaintance once told me something very wise. "Don't tell others about the fights between you and your husband. All they see is the fight. They don't see the reconciliation. They don't know what God has done to restore you."

     Wow. At the time, I was a young believer. This concept holds true for all relationships. It's one reason gossip can be so damaging. And so often in the church, I see this happen. People see the offense, the problem, the drama. But no one is ever able to fully see the redemption. That happens between a person and God. So what do people do?

Judge.

     "Do you remember what so and so did? I can't imagine her getting to lead a small group!" "HE is allowed to preach? Don't you remember what happened just a year ago?"

    I am so glad the world doesn't see everything I do that way. Don't get me wrong. There are times when we have an obligation to step in and say, "Friend, I think you need to spend some more time with God and Godly counsel." IF you are close enough to really know what's going on. IF you approach it prayerfully and Biblically. IF God has placed you in a position of influence in his/her life.

     Otherwise, pray for the person to hear God. Pray that he/she seeks wise, Godly counsel, and pray for restoration! Pray that the leadership/counsel surrounding the person holds the individual accountable.

      And WHEN God restores that person (because our God works all things for the good of those who love Him!), rejoice! And WHEN that person is restored to (or placed in) a position of leadership, ask God to open your heart to His grace and love and mercy. Give others everything God has given you.

     I would not be where I am if not for my mistakes. I would hate to be denied the ability to do what God called me to do, especially by the church. If I make a huge mistake in my life, I pray that God will restore me, those hurt will forgive me, and the church will rejoice with me. I pray that holds true for every member of the body. So thankful for a God who forgives, redeems, and restores.